Poke big enough holes through the TRANS-script for your indoctrinated school kid to peek out and catch glimpses of the truth in the world around them.
You may find more work by MamaofLesbian at https://mamaoflesbian.substack.com/
For many ROGD (Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria) parents, for various reasons, the realisation that we can’t or shouldn’t take our children out of their propagandized public school can add desperation to an already desperate situation. Most of us would like to hop on a rocket ship with our kids and get the hell out of here altogether. But the reality is that even in the face of such a heavy and mind bending socially sanctioned calamity, life goes on. And as it should. If we can’t board that rocket ship, buy an RV and road-school our kids or realistically home school without losing the house to the bank, then we have to find another way to keep them safe.
I am not an expert, nor do I claim to be, and I don’t come with a long list of credentials that qualify me to do anything other than offer my advice to moms and dads who have found themselves in the same slippery parental predicament that I’m currently in. I am “just a mom”. My maternal status in the previous sentence deserves the quotations I placed around it because I am not just a mom, we are not just parents, we are our children’s first line defense against 'Gender Ideology' and the grievous grip it has placed upon them.
Fully aware that he holds the entire deck of custodial cards, my daughter’s father recently offered me some threat-riddled advice of his own. I was cautioned to leave the most impactful parenting issue I have yet to contend with out of our co-parenting conversations. There was no stated ‘or else’ but implied was the sadly accurate notion that he has the power to promote my child’s social transition, initiate her medical transition if he so chooses and that the simple fact that he is aware that I do not support these things would be enough to mark me with an X and carry on with his day, his trendy trans kid in tow. Removing my daughter from her Canadian school, or the suggestion itself, could easily provoke a custody battle that, despite my role as her primary parent and regardless of her father’s parental resume altogether, I would be sure to lose.
All is not lost, however, when the best decision for our child or for our family is to maintain their membership to the publicly funded indoctrination centre that carelessly aims to chip away at the long laid foundation of biological truths and common sense. It is becoming increasingly important to challenge the reductive rhetoric being piped into the minds of young people with actual factual information and well-earned insight through thoughtful conversation.
Since the profession of her perceived transgenderism five and a half months ago, I have managed to gently guide my daughter from a kid who ‘had to get on hormones and have top surgery right away’ to one who may want to 'just be transgender without the drugs and surgeries’. This is the result of not only sharing with her the cautionary tales and the dogma disputing facts that I encounter through my daily digging, but also reinforcing for her the notion that she clings so tightly to- that SHE is the only one who truly knows herself deep down. Breaking into that intimate head-space where the publicly prescribe piety, this heavily advertised idea, can be separated from her personal truths seems to be loosening my daughter’s tight grip on her entrancing trans-identity. In other words, I can’t just tell her the truth. I have to find ways every day to help her see the truth for herself.
In this, the underdog fight of my life, I see her slow mental shift as a huge win but my work as a mother of an ROGD kid is far from finished. Striking a balance between stepping on verbal landmines that will likely induce politically charged rebellion and tiptoeing around the designated dialogue of a doctrine that could see our children sterilised and amputated before their high school graduation is a crucial and learnable skill.
Before we can begin to poke holes through the scripted talking points gifted to our kids by their misinformed friends, predatory social media platforms and the salacious educational curricula so negligently imposed upon them, we have to get to know it as well as they do.
The first chapter of the manipulative trans manual focuses on “getting your parents to believe that you are truly trans”. Kids and teens are often literally told to use the following brew of persuasive catchphrases in order to manipulate their parents into adopting their new ill begotten identity as a deep seeded ethereal truth. This doesn’t mean that all kids who have been bitten by the gender bug are actively attempting to swindle their parents, they are simply applying strategy in order to gain what they genuinely believe they want or need.
Typical Ingredients in a Typical ‘Coming Out’ Script:
I am a boy/girl/neither/both deep down inside and I always have been
I know who I am, I am the only one who truly knows who I am
I used to lay in bed at night and pray to wake up as a girl/boy
I used to ALWAYS play with boy/girl toys and I ALWAYS played a boy/girl character in games, you just didn’t notice
It is cruel and criminal not to use my preferred name and pronouns, you’re not allowed to misgender me
If you don’t accept my identity you are not supporting me
If you don’t accept my identity I will hurt myself
If you don’t accept my identity you don’t love me
This has nothing to do with my [2, 3, 4…] trans-identifying friends
I’m going to need ‘blockers’ right away, then T/estrogen and I need to get rid of my breasts/penis to make me feel comfortable
If you don’t support my transition, you are a bigoted transphobe
‘transwomen are women’, ‘I was born in the wrong body’, ‘I just want to exist’
The ‘coming out’ speech, along with its revelations and demands, is usually performed with a great deal of emotion and conviction, sometimes with a carefully crafted note left on a pillow or slipped under a door and sometimes through a dramatic pre-planned and strategically executed heart-to-heart. Bits of the script are often added to the mix over time, be it hours, days, weeks or possibly months later but however and whenever they do come up we can prepare ourselves for them with a little bit of research and a handful of healthy skepticism.
I make it known to my kid that I’m familiar with the lingo she’s using and I work to break it down into accurate definitions and identifiable facts. The ideologically driven discourse we have with our kids is designed to be dominated by them, led by the child, and is not supposed to be challenged or challengeable. Circular ideas like the authentication of an inherent gender through the man-made medicalization of the body can be taken apart bit by bit with our kids, exposing to them the alternative notion that the two opposing ideas cannot logically exist as one. Reductive concepts like the preference for stereotypical male or female toys, clothing, hairstyles or activities equating to our sons and daughters literally being the opposite sex can be proven to be juxtaposedly based on the same stereotypes they aim to obliterate. I have pointed out to my daughter that IF our cultured critiques of maleness and femaleness, our stereotypes, have nothing to do with her natural inner existence as a boy, that would be an incredible coincidence that deserves further exploration.
By breaking down terms like ‘gender identity’ and ‘transphobic’ into digestible meanings like ‘how you dress and what you’d like to call yourself’ and ‘concerned for your future health, not strictly afraid of people of any kind’ we begin to bypass the stop sign language that our ROGD kids tend to use. As exhausting as it can be, I take every opportunity presented to strip away the mystique from the Newspeak words and phrases that have come along with my daughter’s indoctrination, ricocheting them back to her in truthful terms. Also worth noting is the fact that when our children hear us using the language that is supposed to be a coveted inner-circle component of their exclusive camarilla, even while we attempt to deconstruct it, it has a tendency to lose its appeal.
I refuse to use the chosen name and pronouns my child initially demanded, making it clear to her that since I don’t subscribe to Gender Ideology, naming it as such, that I would feel like I’m lying to her if I did. I am, however, aware of the landmine I would stomp on if I continuously used her actual name. Holding firm and addressing your child as you always have is the most honest, realistic and kind thing to do, of course. My child has a very easy ‘out’ in her father and should I strike that nerve over and over again it may not serve me well, nor my daughter in the long run. Since this is one battle I didn’t pick, we’re getting by on loving nicknames and carefully crafted sentence structure and through it all my daughter is not only well aware that I won’t be conceding and calling her what she wants me to but she also knows why I won’t. I am actively upholding the truth for her in all of the little ways I can without driving her deeper into the manipulating mindset that she would like me to support.
I am happy to call my daughter’s bluff with solid facts and verifiable statistics, with a hint of heedfulness and large doses of common sense. [All of my accurate statistics I reference here can be found at Statsforgender.com] When I started dismantling dragooning language like “trans women are women” and “born in the wrong body” my daughter and I were able to step beyond the script and start having conversations with more substance and truth. Pointing out to my girl that I don’t want to be called ‘cis’, for example, and that by her own logic I shouldn’t be called ‘cis’ if that’s not what I choose, might open up an avenue of thought that the she can travel down when the chat is over.
Speaking over, through and around the Doublespeak that induces a level of DoubleThink for all involved has become an intentional undertaking. I no longer hesitate to pinpoint the contradictory phrases and unsubstantiated claims my daughter makes when we ‘talk trans’. I have begun to vocally identify for my daughter these bits of dialogue as the go-to statements that hundreds of thousands of young people are using as their own deeply authentic words, all over the Western world, every single day. Tackling the shortcomings of this narrowly thought out but widely used language head on with my daughter demands for her the critical thinking that this movement would love to see our kids avoid.
Our ROGD kids have swallowed up the Cliff’s Notes version of Gender Ideology, filed for youths under ‘Could You Be Trans?’, regularly regurgitating its contents in an effort to educate their uneducated parents. My daughter might, for example, inform me that less than 1% of the population is trans and that of that small group only 0.01% will desist or detransition. In response, I can actually show her that recent studies conclude that up to 5% of young people are scooping up a gender identity and that historically at least 80% of kids desisted through natural puberty. I might share with her that while the number of current detransitioners is unknown, in large part because many don’t report back to the clinics that harmed them, there are enough to build a Reddit group with over 32,000 members. When she offers up this kind of proof of her unique as a unicorn identity, she provides me with a perfect opportunity to point out that at least four girls in her grade alone in a high school schooling only 750 students are claiming to be boys. She need only look around her the next day in her classes or on her lunch break to see the socially contagious aspect of this purposefully popular youth subculture. During a chat the other night my daughter admitted to me that she “can see the social contagion aspect of all of this” as I sat on my hands and stifled my excitement.
I have decided to be open with my daughter about the fact that there are two strongly opposing positions being taken on child transition, social transition included, and that I am NOT the only person who is against this. It’s easy for my kid to say to herself, to her friends or to anyone who will listen that her particular parent is soooo old fashioned and soooo closed minded. If I allowed her to believe that I was just behind the times and simply using my parental authority to keep her off the proverbial bridge that all of the other kids are jumping from, I would be doing her a great disservice. Her growing awareness that there are doctors, lawyers, psychotherapists, television personalities, professional athletes, scholars and researchers who are as firmly against this ideology as I am has taken her in-house activism down a notch or two.
My hope is that sharing with her the fact that several flourishing organisations have been born out of the defence of children’s true autonomy and that entire countries have outlawed under aged medical transition will induce a theological tug of war that does not start and end with just her and I. I want her to be able to identify what she sees every day within her trans friend group, at school in general and with her father as the blind affirmation that can presumably only exist if one is unaware or in denial of the truth. Giving my child a few little drops of clarity at a time, leaving them with her to gradually soak in, I know that she will be forced to catch a little lie here or a misrepresenting fact there in her daily dealings with the world around her. I am slowly building for her an intellectual suit of armour that she unwittingly wears wherever she goes.
My daughter’s indoctrinated friend group is a patchwork of young people just as innocent of falling into this well laid sociopolitical trap as she was. Many of our trans-identifying children spend their school days with their two, three or four or more trans-identifying friends, creating a colluding club that we would like to see quickly and permanently disbanded. I ask my daughter about the kids she hangs out with, sometimes wondering aloud if a particular child is trans-identifying. This might seem in poor taste, none of my business, but regardless of whether or not she answers the question, she does come face to face with the fact that nobody is fooling anybody. She has begun to react with a sigh or an eye roll when I am able to easily figure out which of her friends have subscribed to Gender Ideology based on a short report of the day’s events or by the way she speaks about this friend or that. Once the conversation stretches beyond the standard sloganeering or the mm-hmm’s and ah-hah’s that allow a particular perspective to stand alone unchallenged, the truth can be easily brought to light. If I’m able to help my daughter see that this emperor simply has no clothes, she may not be able to stop herself from seeing her friends a little more clearly the next day at school.
Every morning when my daughter heads to school, I give her a hug and send her off with a thought provoking sentiment in the hopes that it might ring in her ears as she moves through her day. At this point, she knows exactly what I’m referring to when I say something like “pay attention to the world around you, it might tell you something that you need to know” or “Be good, be smart, don’t get bamboozled’ as she heads out the door. Since I can’t keep her home and I can’t go with her, I want my words to float to the forefront of her mind when one of her friends says something particularly outlandish or as she watches one of her teachers scramble for the latest name or set of pronouns they’ve been requested to remember. If I can only exist as a little voice in her head while my child is away from me, I want that voice to help her see through the hype and simply notice the sloganeering, the inconsistencies and the insincere nature of the dissonant dance being performed all around her.
Key to all of this is the adoption of an ebb and flow philosophy that allows everyone the room to breathe that we need and deserve while taking on such a daunting endeavour. Although many of our kids adopted their new identities seemingly overnight, pulling them out of this mental quicksand is going to take time, strength and strategy. Pondering over a talking point or picking one that seemed to pick me on a particular day, preparing a sentence or two to initiate a chat with my child, and then leaving her with an introspective question that I don’t demand a verbal answer to at the end of our talk seems to be curating critical thinking. For example, we once spoke just about double mastectomies, what she would have rather had me lightly refer to as ‘top surgery’, and I brought up the fact that a major surgery like that at a young age, even age 18 or 20, would significantly reduce mobility and upper body strength because of the scar tissue alone. I know my daughter prides herself on being strong, being tough, so I asked her how she thinks that would affect some of the things she had planned to use that strength for in her life, then I casually told her she doesn’t have to answer out loud or anything and made my exit, leaving her to her thoughts. The nature of this insidious ideology is such that my child giving me an answer that she thinks I want to hear will change nothing, but leaving her with powerful questions that she can’t help but answer within her own mind to some degree just might.
As ROGD parents we can build confidence through knowledge, find comfort in strategy and cultivate strength as we begin to peel away the malignant masks that our kids have haphazardly glued to their impressionable faces. But above all else, with the stakes so high, we can’t be afraid to be honest with our children while the rest of the world flounders in fantasy.
List of resources that I have found particularly helpful in striving to understand this noxious ideology so that I may better fight it with and for my child: